


I loved you first.

by angelica_barnes



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Love, Multi, Reflection, Unrequited Love, angelica knows everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 16:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14476287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelica_barnes/pseuds/angelica_barnes
Summary: angelica schuyler is many things - the oldest and the wittiest and the gossip of new york city.but she is also the most observant. the most selfless.and so she sees laurens, and knows immediately that hamilton's heart would never belong to either her or her sister.





	I loved you first.

She didn’t know at the time.

She had no idea, when she saw him standing over Laurens’ grave, that that was the last time she’d ever see him. 

Looking back on it, it makes sense that the last person he would wish to see was Laurens, considering their affair until Laurens’ death, the one that her dear Eliza was too naive to notice. That should have made it hurt more, but no, she loved Laurens like a brother, in all his shyness and blush.

 

-

 

_ She’s staring and she knows it, as he stands next to a smiling freckled man and his eyes are brighter than they ever were with Eliza or herself. She considers walking over to them, but it’d do no good, he already belongs to someone, and unsurprisingly, it isn’t she nor her sisters. _

_ It’s that soft-dimpled freckled man, the one she’s storming over to despite her mind’s alarms screaming no. _

 

-

 

She watched him go, tears still drying on her face from the wind’s breath, feeling her heart ache in her chest with love for a man who wasn’t hers. She knew he loved her, he always had, perhaps even in that way, but he hadn’t ever acted on it…

That’s when she knew.

 

-

 

_ “Laurens,” she greets shortly, and he leaves, letting go of Laurens’ hand, which she didn’t realize he was holding until now. They’re alone now, and tension is making the air hard to breathe, and she wishes he would speak before she remembers that she was the one who had interrupted, not Laurens. _

_ He doesn’t ask her why there are tears in her eyes, only asks her to dance with a knowing smile. _

 

-

 

She looks up to the sky and wraps her arms around herself, closing her burning eyes and trying to forget everything she’s ever gone through. Life hasn’t been a happy thing for her, Angelica Schuyler, and she won’t take her husband’s name, she won’t.

They may write it down that way in letters and records, but that’s not her. It’ll never be.

 

-

 

_ She takes Laurens’ hand without a second thought, feeling warmth flood through her body as he wraps her in his arms. She lays her head on his chest as they spin, and she closes her eyes when he starts to sing, as soft as murmuring and for only her to hear. His hands rub her back, smoothing over her dress, and she feels safe, if only for a moment. _

_ Laurens kisses her hair and she can feel him watching, his eyes following them with searing jealousy even after Eliza has pulled him away. _

 

-

 

She probably should have said something, maybe confess her love and accept his pitying eyes? But to no avail, it’d have done no good, and Eliza cries into her chest, breathless as she is, not letting the tears fall like she did that night with Laurens, back in 1780, a winter’s ball.

She looks into his lifeless eyes and takes in the half-smile on his face, and brings herself to smile too. He may not be alive, but he’s with the one he loves, and surely, finally, that is enough.

It’s the last time she ever sees him, that dreadful July 9, 1804. Today. He died with his gun raised towards the sky and Laurens’ hands reaching out for him, with a half-smile on his face and fame forever attached to his name.

 

_ - _

 

_ “He loved you first, you know,” Laurens whispers, and she wants to cry out at how gentle and caring he sounds, how understanding he is. For he, unlike all the others that say they do, he understands, truly. She has a brief flashback of he and Eliza’s wedding night, and how glassy-eyed Laurens had been. She’d assumed they were tears of happiness until he turned his back, and she saw Laurens’ smile fall. _

_ She gives him a small huff of laughter, and it’s watery and hopeless but he doesn’t seem to mind. She smiles up at him, and it’s a sad smile really, one that says goodbye more than hello. Her eyes have misted over and it’s hard to see through her tears, but he reaches up and wipes them away with his thumbs. _

_ “No,” she answers, and she feels his eyes on them again, and Laurens tenses under her. She hears his heartbeat quicken and she lays her head back down on his chest, his arms never leaving her shaking form. _

_ “Alexander loved you first.” _

 

_ - _

 

She didn’t know at the time.


End file.
